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Currently Browsing: Long Love Letters

“Life is so devastating sometimes”

Life is so devastating sometimes. Mine is currently pulling me away from you. Not that it matters because you do NOT understand how amazing we may be together, but I certainly do. Here is a small list of things that set us apart from the other people on this planet and why I want you to be in my life so badly…

-We both love trees and the environment (in fact you worked in the field once before)
-We dig naturalistic lifestyle (you have a cold again and all i want to do is make you some breathe right tea w honey and snuggle you to death!)
-We are both insanely positive and energetic (most of the time. today was kind of an exception.)
-We love animals
-Educated
-Self Empowered
-Respectful
-And most importantly, we share the same theology regarding religion etc..

The makings for something solid are undeniable from my end whether as friends or something more…

I am finishing your class soon and am not happy about it. Not because I feel the need to learn more about architecture but, because I will not get to see you anymore. Honestly, I think about you constantly and seeing you literally makes me weak in the knees.

The impression I get is you’re unavailable because I am your student and look slightly “edgy”, but ya never know. You have a wild side I can tell but I promise you I am a gentlemen. I know I could show you how beautiful life can be and honestly, I respect you TOO much to ever want to hurt you. We have only been able to chat a few times and that was enough for me to see how many similar interests we have.

PLUS, you’re a Gemini. Both my best friend and lost love of my life are Gemini’s, something surprising because astrology suggests we wouldn’t get along. I wish so badly that I can get through to you and perhaps we can start seeing each other outside those walls you work in, but I’m afraid you would think I’m not YOUR type, when in actuality I am EXACTLY your type. (minus my style I presume.)

I think you’re the most amazing and strong woman I have ever met and that’s what my life craves. A woman to possibly grow old with. A woman I believe is sexier for her charisma and attitude versus looks alone. BUT YOU HAVE IT ALL ! YOU HAVE IT ALL!

And now, because of a supreme lack of jobs here I have to leave this city and head back east. Sure its only an hour, but that is too far knowing you’re here and that I’m probably not going to have a chance to ask you out. So today, I am sad. Its not as if I’m obsessed with you or something. I’ve been single for nearly four years and you ARE the first woman who has been able to completely captivate me. I could spend a lifetime wanting to know more about you and am sad because I fear I won’t ever have the opportunity. Boo!

“I’m crazy when it comes down to you”

Subject line: Crazy idea

Hi Jan,
Please don’t read this in a hurry. Please don’t laugh of me.
I had the plan to write you a long e-mail : i’m better with written words. It must have something to do with me being a writer.
Meanwhile I talked to you, I didn’t like the way the conversation went on. I truly just wanted to remind you about  recycling…
But above all, in the meantime I listened to a movie with my sister, a really kitsch movie about love, but still, the kind of one that can really touch someone in love.
So this will be a quite shorter e-mail than the one expected, and one that goes straight to the point.
I had a crazy idea yesterday, and just before telling you what it is, I’d like to tell you a few things.
I didn’t like what you told me earlier, basically when you told me I took advantage of you on friday. I don’t believe it. We were not drunk, you controlled yourself, you could have said no, you know I would have respected that, you know I’m not dangerous or whatever. Still, you did not. That means something. That doesn’t mean you love me, of course, but that means something… I’d be glad to know what it is.

I’m not in a tragical mood tonight, don’t worry, I’m not crying as I am writing to you, so I’d like to point out a question which I invite you to ask yourself, and maybe we could talk about this one day, you know, as friends talk to each other, with fun, like we were at The Cadillac Lounge that night. I know you enjoyed that moment, we can actually be quite close to each other at times, and I know that what happened after meant something, probably not something big, but something far beyond me taking advantage of you.
So the question is : is there an essential reason why we can’t be together?
Because we’re roomates? Okay, it certainly isn’t the perfect situation, but couldn’t we just think about it and try to find a solution then? It would be just too stupid to prevent anything from happening just because of that…
Because of money? I’m a kind of hippie Jan, I’m still a kid in my mind and my lifestyle, I’m not as obsessed with money as you are, but I know that when I decide to grow up a little this won’t be a problem at all. I trust my skills and what I have to offer to the world. Besides, when we talked about this, your main point was about kids. This means a couple of years right? Give me my chance. Probably all that I need is some pushing that will open my eyes about this, the kind of one you could instill to me.
Because of personalities? I totally agree, we would form a quite unusual pair. But we’re not incompatible, the proof is that we can get along pretty well (and once again, I’d like to remind you of the fabulous time we spent together from mid-october to the very last hours of december…). We complete each other Jan, we can get to know this from our band too, we have a good chemistry in music, which is an important part of both of us’ life, and it’s so classical to see a duo of musicians being together in real life… We can’t fight such strong clichés!!!
Because I’m not a second generation immigrant and didn’t live the shitty life you had (once again, I’m using your own words)? Well, you should know that my mother’s family was not from Toronto… More seriously, I do believe that many people can connect even still they have totally different pasts, backgrounds, philosophy, etc. Once again, the proof is that we get along pretty well. And if you try to understand me as I do for you, this should be even better.

Interesting questions, interesting perspectives. Now the real question is : what will you do with it? For that matter, have you read up to now? Will you ask yourself these questions, will you try to understand my way of thinking and compare it with yours? Will you decide that I have an enough important place in your life and that the situation we’re facing is worth an effort solving, instead of just being a burden that keeps you from living your life, selfishly maybe, as you’d want to? Or will be pissed off that I still continue to talk to you about what you think is meaningless, and what has been solved for a long time in your mind? This is what’s towards of us. But as I told you, we can talk about it as friends. That could mean letting us a couple of time for reflexion. I’d willingly give you about ten days, the famous 2 weeks!!!

That being said, I now offer you something totally crazy, I often have crazy ideas, I’m an artist you tell me. Crazy ideas are the only ones worth having. Totally crazy, yet totally serious.
What about we take a week-end off together, just you and I? I was thinking maybe from January 21st to 23rd. A week-end to start again from zero, whatever direction it’s heading after…
You’ve ever been to Québec? A wonderful city. Lots of activities, of things to see. Ok, I have to admit it, really romantic too…
Or maybe you’d prefer Mont-Tremblant? Skiing, a cottage, a spa maybe?
Or any idea you could have.
Yes, this is a crazy idea, I’m crazy when it comes down to you, but so are you. See, we’re not that different!!!

How everything looks easy, simple and full of hope when looked from the middle of the night, when everybody sleeps, when tomorrow is still full of surprises, in the time of… dreams.

I love you Jan. Don’t worry, we will be friends again. I promise.

“but you always seem to come back to me…”

subject line: just so you know
beatrice,i know you know how i feel i have made it perfectly clear…you have been through alot in the last year..what a crazy one you had!! but you always seem to come back to me(trust me i dont mind)…i wonder why?? is it because you know i cant say no to you? is it for good reasons?? and because i will do anything for you? the past few days i have spent have been great,not only just as your friend,but as the woman who wants nothing more than spending my whole life making us happy and making all of us girls one happy family! you say that some relationships are not worth the aggravation that will come because of them,but you must know,i will do anything to make my family be happy for us,and accept you as my wife! yes,my wife…thats what i want is a long happy married life with you for those 25hr days in the next 30 years like we once talked about!! i know you are contemplating a return to your ex,or may have even started to get back with her….but think bout it…long and hard..please for all of our sakes…look at the big picture with both of us,all of the pros and cons. in closing i want to say to you…i love you with all my heart,and would love the chance to make you the happiest woman on this earth and spend my every hour,minute and seconds of the day making you happy,loving you,holding you…and giving you the goose bumps like i have when we kiss!! i will be the best wife you could ever want…i WILL be your happily ever after if you just let me!! LOVE YOU WITH EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING!! S.

“You posted that you love her.”

Subject line: Now you can

I look at your facebook from time to time. Not sure why. I don’t want to see you sad or hurting, and I do like seeing your posts about being happy and enjoying life.

What I saw today surprised me though.. Your new girlfriend seems to make you happy.. I’m glad for you. I really am. You posted that you love her. That’s what ripped my heart a bit.

I loved you. I told you with tears in my eyes once I realized that I had fallen in love with you. You use to tell me all the time how happy I made you. I lived for you. I only wanted to make you happy, I adored you, I appreciated your mind, your opinions and gave myself to you in every way yet you couldn’t love me back. You told me you couldn’t fall in love until you lived with your significant other and got to know them on that level. You don’t live with her though.. You were so upset when I left you because I knew you’d never love me.. If you hadn’t by then you wouldn’t. There was no sense in torturing myself so I broke my own heart and left.. There are still so many questions left unanswered, for both of us I’m sure. I have moved on. I don’t know why you hate me so much though.. The pure disdain I get from you is bone chilling.. Seeing as I never did anything but break things off. I didn’t lie, cheat… Its over though.. So there is no reason to be re living the past..

Glad your happy..

I hope you did find love.. Now maybe you’ll understand the weight I carried around for 6 months before I got enough courage to leave the one thing I wanted most..

“No, it wasn’t okay”

I wasn’t honest with you. I told you we couldn’t be together because we were too incompatible. I wasn’t completely honest with you. We can’t be together because you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship; one where two “individuals” share a life together. One does not try to “own” the other out of fear, insecurities, jealousy, petty competition, mistrust or hurt from the past. Each partner is whole and healed and happy from within and they want someone to share in that wholeness or internal happiness. You were always a “my way or the highway” type. You sulk when you don’t get your way. You’re cold and callous until you need pleasuring and only then are you warm and inviting. You never concerned yourself with anything but what YOU needed, otherwise, I was made to wait for your call for when you weren’t busy and God forbid I make plans because that made you uneasy. When I started to make a life for my own (from all of your absences), you started to lose me and you were always so threatened by that. This wasn’t just recently, this was over the last 4 months. You noticed that I wasn’t as attentive as usual; you called me out on it once or twice: “everything okay?” you’d ask. No, it wasn’t okay. I was preparing. The pivotal point was my asking for something so small for myself given your busy schedule. I just wanted a bit of your time for something special and you got angry at me for asking; even debated on ending it yourself right then and there until I apologized to you for asking. That was the down-turn. Did you notice? I even debated on ending it myself, but I was convinced I loved you and I just had to earn your trust and love afterall you were the one who professed “I love like no other”. And you sure did that indeed. I’ve never quite been “loved” like that by anyone and I pray that I am never “loved” like that again. So, here is the truth. I hope you are happy one day, but as I think back on our relationship and I know how you bury things (you’ll move on to the next one as if nothing ever happened), you are not likely to understand what you are doing that is so destructive. If you want a connection, you will need to reflect on what it is that you keep doing to drive people right out of your life and in some cases, although not ours – into the arms of another. Do you really think you were always the victim? Really? Start thinking about your own contribution to what happened in your past. If you don’t nurture a relationship, but simply “own” the person by your side for your own pleasure and whim, you will continue to experience this over and over and over… Get help. I was the only one that did not treat you with disrespect despite the way you treated me. Get help.

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