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“You removed me from your facebook”

Dear Bjatur
who lives in Iceland
You removed me from your facebook, Skype and interpals account you
little cunt bag! WHY??
We had a two hour conversation talking about the colour of our houses
and yet you threw away what we had!
Do you know what we could of had? Do you fucking know? We could of
had something special, we could have lived in a little house in Norway
and had 10 cute little banana babies! We could of dressed up as John
Lennon and yoko Ono! How fun would that have been?
Time has passed since you cut me off…I viewed your profile picture
on interpals.
If you didn\’t cut me off, I would have made a moterfucking shrine
and fly to Iceland just to watch you sleep ! But it happended, and now
all I see is a douche bag!
You know what? The swedish word for \”to pass gas\” is
\”fjäta\”. It rhymes with your name where I spent ten minutes
trying to say it correctly. YEAH, YOUR\’E AS CHARMING AS A FART!!
And since I called you a cunt bag at the beginning of this letter,
you\’re as loveable as a VAGINA FART

Sincerely, Penny

“When I first saw you (on youtube), boy did I feel swell.”

Dear Josh

When I first saw you (on youtube), boy did I feel swell. Every time I look at you, god, it’s like heaven died and went to heaven.Your hair, so red, I see it burn with my infinite love for you ; your hair looks like a sunrise against a beach in Hawaii…or a really tasty pineapple…Your chestnut hazel eyes are as beautiful as a green meadow speckled with daisies…with us fucking there ;)Your arms and legs remind me of pocky sticks…I love pocky sticksYou are cuter than kittens and puppies hugging each other so that’s why I painted a rainbow with my tears. My tears of joy at the mere thought of you and tears of sorrow that we never met even though we only live 30 minutes away from each other. So close…yet so far. Wow, your’e probably freaking out right now, seeing this message of love in your inbox on Facebook. But Matt…WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?!? I LOVE YOU, LAURANHAE, TOI YEU ANH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!so consider my love. Please. From Vancouver


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