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Rambling and Poetry

subject line:  I miss you

My thoughts still slip back to you,making life difficult.I go through my day,nothing is joyful.
I close my eyes and there you are,your crooked smile,tracing your lips,tasting you.
I miss you.
You grasp me ever so tight.Holding me to your chest just so I hear the strngth and rythm of your heart.
I miss you.
The smile in your eyes, so reassuring,so comforting,this is not a cold black heart.
I miss you
Interlaced in our embrace you shelter my bruised heart.
I miss you
The damage that was once done a mere reminder of what not to do,
I miss you
Wanting nothing but to comfort you in return
I miss you
So cliche to drown in your eyes of blue without them there is no air.
Only gasps for oxygen,The air is stale now no life no love no affection.
He is not you.I miss you.
Oh my God,my God Of Fuck I miss you.

Subject line: I miss you so much

I wish I could be with you right now side by side under the moonlight. You remain in my thoughts constantly and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I can’t control my feelings for you at all and it still tears into me every night and day. I still lose sleep over you girl. God I wish I could hold you again buy you are sooooo distant from me now and I think you really don’t care anymore. I know you once did but no longer. I’ve always dreamt of putting your lips to mine and holding you for hours laying next to eachother. A dream to come true would be a night with you. I don’t mean what most would assume but just time laying next to you and hearing you breath while you sleep, twitches everyone makes in their slumber, the smell of your neck, the touch of your body in my grasp. I wish I was the man who helped you relax after those ling shifts. I wish I was the man who massages your body to help you relax. I wish I was the man who kissed your beautiful lips after you walk through the door and before your head touches the pillow. I wish I was the man who made you breakfast in the morning and kissed you before work. I want that hug back that you gave me so long ago because that was the hug that did me in. It was the hug that possessed me and now you remain in my every thought. I awake and fall asleep to your name mumbling from my lips. Not a day goes by that those letters fall from those same lips and I always remember that night when I touched them but didn’t press my lips to them. Things were so much easier before that night and now I am completely devoured with thoughts of you my princess, my love. I miss you so much even when you’re in reach… But you’re still sooooo far away. I love you babe! I’ve loved you from that night. Sometimes I wish it never happened caused I’m in sooooo much pain at times. Just remember that you remain in my waking dreams as well as my unconscious ones. Goodnight sweet princess. Wherever you are in this crazy world you are ever soooo missed by me. No matter how good or bad things are right now for you I still think of you and that night I realized I love you. You walked up to my car and put your hand to my window next to mine but I was toooo ckicken s**t to put mine on top of yours. I love you and miss you soooo much. Wish I knew how to tell you the truth….

Get Over It.

Subject line: It’s been almost a year

In about week from now it will be one year since you sent that e-mail that shattered my life.. Not a minute of my life goes by that i don’t think of what happened between us..Since you left so suddenly my life has been so empty.. I’ve tried to move on but i just can’t do it..
Oh my love, my darling i’ve hungered for your love a long lonely time..
You should have talked to me first.. I know i was not perfect.. I had my faults..You should not have made up lies to justify you actions..
I just don’t know how much longer i can go on without you.. No matter what you want to tell yourself, i really did love you..

“We could talk about anything with eath other”

Subject line: You still have my heart

You still have my heart and mean the world to me.There are so many things that I miss about you. I miss walking in the room seeing you and the smile it put on my face. I miss your kiss and your touch. I miss holding you in my arms. I miss seeing you walk around in your sweat pants or my boxers and a t-shirt with your hair pulled up. I felt so much happiness, comfort and love when we were together. We could talk about anything with eath other. It didnt matter what we did. I was happy with you. I know that I have to keep on going, but without you by my side I feel that I am missing a part of myself. It was the greatest time in my life when we were together. My LOVE for you is so strong. When I think of you or hear your name. I feel it in my heart and deep in my soul. My LOVE for you is everlasting. I hope that one day we get to be together to feel and share that LOVE again. T loves J always and forever.

Very Open

Dear Andrea

Its been a few years now and I still haven’t forgotten you. It seemed that the universe was pushing me to be with you, but I kept pushing you away. I had my own demons and I wanted to deal with them by myself. I was insecure, jealous, obsessive because I loved you and you were the only one I had ever felt that with. I wasn’t using or drinking. I was just depressed that I couldn’t be with you. The universe has never stopped telling me that I screwed myself by pushing you away.

The greatest moments of my life were the moments I spent with you. When I was laying with you on the couch with my head against your hip I felt like all the pain that had been in my life, everything that I had gone through, was gone. Ive never felt love for my family. Ive never felt love before. With you I know it was love. I loved your mother, I thought she was tame compared to my abusive father. I loved your brother, I can only wish I had had a brother like him when I was his age. I loved the smell of your body and your home. I loved Florida.

Ive been in the army, and Ive gotten out of the army with you being on my mind every single second of the day. I cant let go of you because I know in my heart that the way I treated you was the worst thing I could have ever done. I miss you, I feel like I always will. I worry about you constantly. Just let me know you still exist, let me know you are out there. Let me know you are ok. Let me know you are doing well for yourself so I can root you on from behind the scenes.

I went back to your home and you no longer lived there. I stopped searching for you after that. I may have lost you, but I will never forget you.

Love Always,

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