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“You are like a magnet”

Hey Girl,

 

Ok What is your secret? You are like a magnet, pulling me in every direction.  I don’t know if you remember but one time when we were out side your house talking, and I was dropping off a kennel we had borrowed from your mom, I told you that I use the church as a excuse to talk to you.  Its true, but now I am looking for every excuse I can, to call and hear your laugh and even your sigh.  Even just to text you.  When I call on my way home, I stop when I get to Macdonalds, to keep talking.  I don’t want to stop talking.  It is great to hear the love you have for your daughter.  I hurt to hear the pain you have dealing with your mom.  I have so many things I want to ask and learn about you. I fear that I am being to bold, that is why I keep asking if I make you nervous.  I am worried that after you read this, you will run.  If I am scaring you, please let me know, and I will run.  I too, try to say what I feel, and I know that this may scare you off, which is the last thing I want. Please don’t let this scare you. I worry that others will notice me looking your direction, so I try hard not to stare.  When you sat in front of us at church, I noticed every move you made, looking for signs of stress, (even a scowl) wanting to protect you.  Hoping to see the spark in your eyes.  I worry that you will think that I am just a married horn dog, I hope you don’t.  I am not looking for anything, except to understand the things I feel.  I want you to know, that I love my wife dearly. I would never let anything get in the way.  And I also know that other real emotions exist out side of marriage. I told you one time that I have a story to tell you, I still do, and have been waiting for the right time. If this note doesn’t scare you off, then maybe soon. If you want to get me in real trouble, this letter would do it.  I am taking that risk, hoping you understand.  If I can borrow a couple of lines from the second song on the CD I gave you,  “I don’t want to mess this thing up, I don’t want to push to hard”, “I don’t want to leave”, We don’t need to rush this, lets just take it slow”, “Lets do this right”.

 

“I have screwed up in the past”

I wish I could have you back. I have screwed up in the past but we were young. We all make mistakes. I am ready to change and be the man that you need in your life. For the past couple years I think I have shown that. I really miss you and I didnt think I had another chance because I thought you were going to marry the man you were living with recently. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and be a good person right from the start. Im sorry for everything I did and If I had a…what chance are we on now….oh that doesnt matter. I just need one more. Thats all it would take. I want to grow old with you. I want to be your strength. I want…you. I will never love anyone else the way I love you. You are my soul mate. You complete this man. Corny I know…but there it is.

“You were too scared to get hurt,”

Subject line: I wish you nothing but the best.

I miss you so much. We had an amazing thing but it terrified you. You were the best friend I ever had. You were too scared to get hurt, but I never would have hurt you. Instead you hurt me and the baby. I ended saying things that were harsh, but I was trying to make you see reality and not sugar coat everything. I still love you with all my heart. And the baby misses you. I pray every day that you get your shit together so that you will no longer be afraid to let anyone else in. I wish you the best. I’ve made up my mind, I’m moving to NY as soon as I possibly can. Without you, nothing feels right here anymore. Good luck. Take care of yourself. I love you and miss you.

“because I miss that firm grasp!”

Subject line: Still waiting for you to pick

Yes, I am still missing you, and missing the energy you always gave me when I had you in my life. Isn’t that what love is? An energy or force shared with someone that sees you through each and every day, and they put that skip in your walk, and are always there to catch you so you don’t fall down. I know you have a lot of other options in your life, but I always thought some angel(if there is such a thing) would lead you to my doorstep, and our connection would once again have its power over each of us, and make us irreplaceable to one another. I certainly hope if you can’t find your way to door #2, which I am in back of, that some sort of guardian angel is out there that will steer you in my direction. Serendipity has made our paths cross time and again, but with the next time, I want it to be that we actually make the effort to be the source of strength we were for one another once upon a time. I have a lot of friends, but, my dear, you were irreplaceable! Please rethink me, and give me some serious consideration on making an effort to reach out to me, because I know we were good for one another, and could be so good for each other once again. I’d take 17 giant steps to go in your direction, if you gave me the opportunity! I’m not very far away, and miss your energy, and the fun we always shared together. Please make the effort to come take my hand, because I miss that firm grasp!

“MY HOME IS ALWAYS OPEN TO YOU”

Subject line: what do we do now?

JOSH,

WHY LET THAT STOP US FROM BEING FRIENDS WHO REALLY CARE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER, BUT ALSO HAVE A LOVE FOR WHAT WE HAVE DONE FOR ONE ANOTHER ,.,….

NO BODY WINS

YOU STAYING AWAY I LOSE A FRIEND
YOU STAYING AWAY YOU LOSE A FRIEND

I WIN IF YOUR OPEN ENOUGH TO HAVE ME AS A FRIEND WITH YOUR WIFR
YOU BOTH WIN BECAUSE , YOU’LL BOTH HAVE A FRIEND WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT BOTH OF YOUR HAPPINESS

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT !!!!!!

i’M NOT HURT OR MAD OR DISAPPOINTED AT ALL
I’M HAPPY OVER JOYED AND MOST OF ALL BLESSED THAT YOU RESTORED MY RESPECT FOR YOU

YOU’LL NEVER REALLY K NOW THE TRUTH UNLESS YOU SEEK IT OUT
DON’;T BE A STRANGER , AND MY HOME IS ALWAYS OPEN TO YOU WHEN YOUM NEED TO GET AWAY

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