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“I’m crazy when it comes down to you”

Subject line: Crazy idea

Hi Jan,
Please don’t read this in a hurry. Please don’t laugh of me.
I had the plan to write you a long e-mail : i’m better with written words. It must have something to do with me being a writer.
Meanwhile I talked to you, I didn’t like the way the conversation went on. I truly just wanted to remind you about  recycling…
But above all, in the meantime I listened to a movie with my sister, a really kitsch movie about love, but still, the kind of one that can really touch someone in love.
So this will be a quite shorter e-mail than the one expected, and one that goes straight to the point.
I had a crazy idea yesterday, and just before telling you what it is, I’d like to tell you a few things.
I didn’t like what you told me earlier, basically when you told me I took advantage of you on friday. I don’t believe it. We were not drunk, you controlled yourself, you could have said no, you know I would have respected that, you know I’m not dangerous or whatever. Still, you did not. That means something. That doesn’t mean you love me, of course, but that means something… I’d be glad to know what it is.

I’m not in a tragical mood tonight, don’t worry, I’m not crying as I am writing to you, so I’d like to point out a question which I invite you to ask yourself, and maybe we could talk about this one day, you know, as friends talk to each other, with fun, like we were at The Cadillac Lounge that night. I know you enjoyed that moment, we can actually be quite close to each other at times, and I know that what happened after meant something, probably not something big, but something far beyond me taking advantage of you.
So the question is : is there an essential reason why we can’t be together?
Because we’re roomates? Okay, it certainly isn’t the perfect situation, but couldn’t we just think about it and try to find a solution then? It would be just too stupid to prevent anything from happening just because of that…
Because of money? I’m a kind of hippie Jan, I’m still a kid in my mind and my lifestyle, I’m not as obsessed with money as you are, but I know that when I decide to grow up a little this won’t be a problem at all. I trust my skills and what I have to offer to the world. Besides, when we talked about this, your main point was about kids. This means a couple of years right? Give me my chance. Probably all that I need is some pushing that will open my eyes about this, the kind of one you could instill to me.
Because of personalities? I totally agree, we would form a quite unusual pair. But we’re not incompatible, the proof is that we can get along pretty well (and once again, I’d like to remind you of the fabulous time we spent together from mid-october to the very last hours of december…). We complete each other Jan, we can get to know this from our band too, we have a good chemistry in music, which is an important part of both of us’ life, and it’s so classical to see a duo of musicians being together in real life… We can’t fight such strong clichés!!!
Because I’m not a second generation immigrant and didn’t live the shitty life you had (once again, I’m using your own words)? Well, you should know that my mother’s family was not from Toronto… More seriously, I do believe that many people can connect even still they have totally different pasts, backgrounds, philosophy, etc. Once again, the proof is that we get along pretty well. And if you try to understand me as I do for you, this should be even better.

Interesting questions, interesting perspectives. Now the real question is : what will you do with it? For that matter, have you read up to now? Will you ask yourself these questions, will you try to understand my way of thinking and compare it with yours? Will you decide that I have an enough important place in your life and that the situation we’re facing is worth an effort solving, instead of just being a burden that keeps you from living your life, selfishly maybe, as you’d want to? Or will be pissed off that I still continue to talk to you about what you think is meaningless, and what has been solved for a long time in your mind? This is what’s towards of us. But as I told you, we can talk about it as friends. That could mean letting us a couple of time for reflexion. I’d willingly give you about ten days, the famous 2 weeks!!!

That being said, I now offer you something totally crazy, I often have crazy ideas, I’m an artist you tell me. Crazy ideas are the only ones worth having. Totally crazy, yet totally serious.
What about we take a week-end off together, just you and I? I was thinking maybe from January 21st to 23rd. A week-end to start again from zero, whatever direction it’s heading after…
You’ve ever been to Québec? A wonderful city. Lots of activities, of things to see. Ok, I have to admit it, really romantic too…
Or maybe you’d prefer Mont-Tremblant? Skiing, a cottage, a spa maybe?
Or any idea you could have.
Yes, this is a crazy idea, I’m crazy when it comes down to you, but so are you. See, we’re not that different!!!

How everything looks easy, simple and full of hope when looked from the middle of the night, when everybody sleeps, when tomorrow is still full of surprises, in the time of… dreams.

I love you Jan. Don’t worry, we will be friends again. I promise.

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