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“I’m a disgrace.”

Subject line:  A simple but impossible wish- can you love me like I love you?

You keep breaking my heart and all I want is for you to tell me you love me and want only me and feel so lucky to have found me so that it can be in one piece again. This will never happen, I know. I should have stayed away from you like you said.  I don’t want to be consumed by you anymore. I know I’m not what’s most important to you. To think I held onto a chance I could be if I just gave you more time and then more- trying, cooking, wearing one thing after another to prove I was worthy of your love. I’m a disgrace. I hope one day soon I can wake up and you won’t be the first face in my battered brain. If only it was that easy, I’d have been in bed hours ago, not staying awake just so I can think about you more, humiliating myself further and further until there is nowhere to turn except to the bookshelf of self-help crap telling me what a fool I am for my feelings. How could you just leave me hanging like that?


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